Time and Changes

This month’s blog post is contributed by Suzi Jensen, JDPP Programming Coordinator & Payroll Supervisor, Teaching Artist and performer in JDPP’s prison-related work.

Last month I sat in the hallway of the school building at York CI. A place I have been many times. A place I have shed tears, laughed, taken pictures of happy families, and watched courageous and brave women share stories of pain, loss, hope, and dreams of freedom.

I went into the day thinking I knew this performance. After all, as JDPP’s Programming Coordinator I had printed the numerous copies of the script, designed and put together the program, and coordinated the outside guest list. I was ready to cry and cheer on the performers as they presented Time In 2.

But as I sat in the front row of the first show and listened to Judy introduce the piece, I realized that 20 years ago when JDPP walked through the doors of York CI, my life was forever changed.

My mother was a resident of York CI when JDPP began the performance residency—she enthusiastically signed up for the group and chose to focus her writings about time on my sisters and me. Afterwards, JDPP knew these stories needed to reach people beyond York CI. The culminating performance of that residency was restaged with members of the ensemble at Charter Oak Cultural Center in Hartford as Time In.

My mom called, asking me to go. I was hesitant; we weren’t in the best place in our relationship. I was angry, I wasn’t even sure she deserved the opportunity she had been given to be part of this group. She was in the early years of her 14-year sentence—a sentence that wasn’t her first.

This was the second time in my young life that she had made decisions that took her out of my life, and I hadn’t found a way to forgive her.

However, on a cool November evening I found myself outside the theater with my youngest sister. We walked in and were told the show was sold out. Something in me told me I needed to experience this show. I mentioned that our mom had been part of the original cast at York and the kind volunteer found us a place to sit.

Even though my mom did not tell me which pieces were hers, I knew. I knew when the cast members talked about time being the space between the photographs she received. I knew when she spoke about certain characteristics and memories of my sisters and me. I knew when I felt the love that poured out of the stories to the audience.

When the performance finished, I stood up and introduced myself. Completely terrified, I felt that I had suddenly exposed myself as the child of an incarcerated mother—a secret I had tried so desperately to hide. It was freeing; it was like a weight had been lifted from me. It was an invitation to receive the love and support in that room.

And then I said what I thought was the most innocent offer, “If you ever need any help…I would love to volunteer.”

In 2008, I performed ‘Dreamings’ with JDPP. I was honored with becoming a voice for the often-overlooked children of incarcerated parents. My love for the arts blossomed. I gave up my medical technology profession and grew into a career that quite literally changed not only my life but the lives of countless others.

As I watched the beautiful women of York CI pour their hearts and souls into Time In 2, I saw all the mothers, sisters, daughters that I have worked with and loved over the years reclaim their stories.

We are all comprised of the choices we make—good, bad, and everything in-between. I choose to see each and every one of them as the extraordinary and complex humans they are.

And I will continue to use my TIME to help heal and uplift the children that love them so much.